Motivational Monday, VIEW POINT — 28/Jan/2013 01:35

Motivational Monday: 4 Reasons to Stop Being So Defensive!

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Is it just me or is that chip on your shoulder getting bigger than ever? Man, you must be a really fun person to be around – NOT!

Why are you so defensive anyway? Yes, I get that you don’t want to be taken advantage of. Yes I understand you are nobody’s fool. Are you willing to consider, just for a moment that all that defensiveness might not be entirely necessary? You keep saying you want to grow. You keep talking about surrounding yourself with people who will tell you the truth. You keep looking for true friends who will “Keep it real” with you but when someone tries to hint at the truth, you blow up or shut down. Why are you so defensive anyway?

Maybe that comment wasn’t meant to slight you. She’s always been so supportive of you before, maybe that was just a tough thing to hear someone say about you. Are they laughing at you? What makes you think that? Maybe his decision didn’t have anything to do with you after all. Maybe she is just having a bad day. What did they mean by that? Who cares! Maybe he isn’t really out to get you and destroy your reputation. Was that a compliment or an insult? Maybe you don’t really understand her reasons. Maybe he was just trying to be a good friend in the best way he knew how. Yes she has spent years testing your patience and scheming to take you out. So. What. Yes, I said it’s true. Yes, he hates you. So What! Let me give you four reasons to stop being so defensive!

1. You Cannot Have Both

Every moment that you spend being defensive is a moment that takes away from feeling the love, joy, peace and gratitude that is right there in that exact same moment. Have you ever tried to feel love and despair at the same time? What about gratitude and fear? How easy is it to stay focused on the joy in a moment when you are thinking and feeling jealous, defensive, or angry? There is always something in front of you and behind you. You can’t see both at the same time. Which direction will you choose to look? When you spend your energy being defensive, you’re missing the best part of life and you’re only hurting yourself. Open yourself to the possibility that you can allow yourself to be just a bit less defensive if for no other reason than to feel more joy!

2. You Get Exactly What You Expect

If you believe it will, it does. If you believe you can’t, you won’t. This is not about what you say; I’m talking about what you truly believe inside. Why do you think you need to be so defensive? What ever you pay attention to increases. Your perception is reality. What are you spending time noticing? What do you talk about? How often are you focused on negative thoughts instead of the positive ones? Whatever you notice, is what you choose to see. The attention you give and the energy you spend creates more of whatever you focus on. Want more love, focus on more love. Seeing haters everywhere? Check the hater within, son!

3. The Choice Is Yours To Make

When you take things personally, you miss the opportunity to respond in a healthy loving way. Understand this. Don’t miss it. YOU get to decide to be defensive or not to be. You get to choose. You are in control. It doesn’t matter what that other person’s intent is, you can decide how the circumstances impact you. You can choose to take love, gratitude and joy from what happens. You can decide to respond in a healthy loving way regardless of what they wanted to do to you. You are the one who creates that experience. Take the opportunity to stop being so defensive and put your energy and attention on things that are loving and uplifting. Choose to be your most powerful purposeful self. Show up with gratitude and see how the situation changes the moment you decide to change your mind.

4. The Fear Is Not Real

What are you afraid of anyway? Chances are, there is no real danger to defend against anyway. There are better chances that you will miss the lesson, the gift, or the opportunity because you are spending too much energy defending yourself against things that don’t need defense. Your mind has probably blown this whole thing out of proportion anyway. What if you could see things a different way? What if your assumption was wrong and you can begin to let go of that anger? What would life be like on the other side of that wall you’ve built to protect yourself? Maybe you could start taking down that wall of defense one brick at a time. Man, how much better does that feel just thinking about letting that go? You’re feeling more joy already aren’t you?!

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Rasha says:

Hello i have been searching for something to help me since i have noticed that my biggest problem is that i am so defensive and take things into heart as if people are trying to get me for some reason and i am missing all the love and fun that i can have because of it.. so i am sending this because reading this was so easy to comprehend i hope i can start acting i saved it to have a reminder every now and then :) thank you

That’s fantastic Rasha! I’m so excited about all the love & fun you are opening yourself up to receive.

Thank you for taking the time to comment. I’m delighted to know you will use this as a reminder!

Here’s To Your Unspeakable Joy!

MS says:

Dear Adrienne, the Soul Power Coach,

I have recently noticed that I am super defensive. I usually take things the wrong way since has crippled my relationships with others because I take things to personal. I often question if its a compliment to and an insult when people comment anything regarding me. I also over-think and mistrust people because of past disappointments. Now that I know I have this problem I can work on fixing it with the tips that you have provided. Thank you.

MS, Congratulations on allowing yourself to see this about yourself & start making changes. The real truth is, we all do it from time to time. You are already more powerful & less defensive just realizing you don’t have to take things personal, question comments, over-think, or mistrust people. How awesome is that?

All the best to you in making those changes, MS! You may find my free resources helpful in doing the work & staying on track. Check my bio & site for more info. Please reach out if I can be of service in any other way. I would be delighted to hear how things are going for you.

Here’s to your Unspeakable Joy!